How to Direct Support Workers (Without Feeling Like a Bossy Burden)

A guide for participants and families who want support that actually supports them

Directing a support worker should feel empowering—but for many participants and families, it just feels awkward, exhausting, or downright impossible.

You might worry about sounding “demanding.”
You might feel like you have to be constantly polite, even when your needs aren’t being met.
You might second-guess every instruction—then end up doing things yourself because it feels easier than explaining.

If any of that sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
And more importantly—you’re not doing anything wrong.

Giving direction isn’t a sign that you’re difficult.
It’s a sign that you know what you need.

In this post, we’ll unpack:

• Why directing your support can feel so hard
  
• Why being “clear” doesn’t mean being “mean”
  
• And how to confidently communicate your needs, without the burnout
  

We’ll also give you a free printable tool to help make this whole process easier.

Why It Feels So Awkward to Ask for Help

Most of us were raised in systems that reward silence, not clarity.

We’re taught to say “I’m fine” even when we’re not.
We’re praised for being “easygoing,” not “specific.”
And if you’re disabled, neurodivergent, chronically ill—or a parent supporting someone who is—you may have been conditioned to think your needs are inconvenient.

Let’s be honest: the world doesn’t always make it safe to ask for what you need.

So of course it feels hard to give direction.
Especially when it’s your own home, your own body, or your own child’s wellbeing on the line.

But here’s the thing:

Being clear isn’t controlling. It’s caring.

And support workers (the good ones!) don’t expect you to “go with the flow.”
They want to know what matters to you—so they can actually help.

You’re Not the Boss—You’re the Blueprint

This is where so many people get stuck.
You don’t want to feel like you’re “bossing someone around.”
But what if we flipped that entirely?

You’re not the boss.
You’re the blueprint.

You hold the map of what makes your day feel safe, smooth, and successful.
A support worker isn’t there to take over—they’re there to follow your lead.

Being direct isn’t power-tripping.
It’s partnership.

Your role isn’t to micro-manage.
Your role is to share what matters—and let your support worker rise to meet it.

Five Things Every Support Worker Should Know About You

You don’t have to write an autobiography to get good support.
But sharing a few key things can make a huge difference.

Here are five areas to cover with any new (or existing) worker:

1. How You Like to Communicate

Do you prefer verbal check-ins, text messages, or written reminders?
Do you process things slowly or need repetition?

Clarity about your communication style avoids misunderstandings before they start.

2. Your Daily Rhythms and Routines

Do you like to start the day with quiet time?
Is there a specific order that makes tasks feel less overwhelming?

Routines are about regulation, not rigidity.

3. What Helps You Feel Safe and Respected

This might include tone of voice, personal space, or how tasks are approached.
For children, it might mean using familiar visuals or calming strategies.

Emotional safety is just as important as physical support.

4. What Not to Do (Even If It Seems Helpful)

Maybe you don’t want anyone touching your dishes.
Maybe your child hates sudden changes or being told to “calm down.”

Setting boundaries is not rude—it’s responsible.

5. What to Do If Something Goes Wrong

How do you want your support worker to respond if you’re upset, overwhelmed, or having a bad day?

Prevention is powerful. So is a backup plan.

Need Help Starting the Conversation?

We’ve created a simple Support Worker Direction Tool to help you:

✅ Communicate clearly without repeating yourself
✅ Set healthy boundaries from day one
✅ Onboard new support workers with confidence
✅ Reduce friction and build trust faster

It’s printable, easy to fill out, and designed with real-life needs in mind.

Final Thoughts

You deserve support that works for you.
You don’t have to apologise for needing help.
You don’t have to feel guilty for giving clear instructions.

Support should be about freedom, not friction.
Let’s make that freedom easier to access—starting with one honest conversation at a time.

Want help tailoring support for your unique needs?
Book a session with our team at EduPsyched. We offer trauma-informed, neurodivergent-friendly support for self-managed and plan-managed NDIS participants.